


~Adored by Him~

by Squidge_06



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz, Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Bisexual Jeremy Heere, Everyone Has Issues, F/F, F/M, Gay Michael Mell, I'm Bad At Tagging, M/M, Suicide, Suicide Notes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-28
Updated: 2018-05-18
Packaged: 2019-03-25 06:46:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 2,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13828743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Squidge_06/pseuds/Squidge_06
Summary: Jeremy Heere is happy.he's got the girl of his dreams and his best friend at his side,plus a bunch of new ones.Jeremy is happy and so are the people around him~Michael Mell is...not so happy.the love of his life is dating the girl he's been crushing on for at LEAST two years while he stands on the sidelines.But he keeps falling further for his best friend.Michael isn't happy but Jeremy is so its okay...~Evan Hansen is happy.he's got a girlfriend that doesn't mind that he has social anxiety and a bunch of new friends as well.Evan is happy and so are his friends.~Jared Kleinman is...not so happy .His one and only friend has thrown him to the curb for the Murphy siblings and Alana Beck.So he's stuck watching his crush from the sidelines.Jared isn't happy but Evan is so its okay...





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This will mostly be from Jared and Michael's point of view except from maybe the last chapter but NO SPOILERS!I'm planning to do a sequel called Sick of Losing Soulmates.Tell me if you like this is my first fic on here. BUH BYE!  
> Edit-My email for fanfics and just online stuff where my name isn't included is Squidgyboo@gmail.com if you want to talk!

_Pretty girl with the butterscotch hair,Your eyes and the sunshine smile you wear,I can see how you make his soul glow_

_~~~_  
Jared smiled sadly as he watched his former best friend Evan Hansen walk hand in hand with his girlfriend from across the lunch hall.Evan had friends now and of course he'd abandoned Jared since he thought that the only reason he hung out with the other boy was so his parents would pay his car insurance.stuck at the bottom of the social ladder,with no friends after Ev ditched him,he sat alone listening to the music and flicking through his phone until he felt a small tap on his shoulder.His head shot up and he spotted a guy who seemed to be a year or so younger than him  
"Hey man umm... can I sit here my best friend who I usually sit with kind of ditched me..."the boy said awkwardly  
'hah...that sounds familiar,oh yeah that's what happened to me'Jared thought to himself before quickly replying  
"Sure dude It's not like anybody else is sitting here or would want to"  
Sitting down the boy smiled slightly at Jared's words before turning round to look at a particularly loud table of juniors,his eyes saddening when a tall boy and a hyper girl who seemed to be his girlfriend stood up and laughed loudly as if they didn't have a care in the world..  
"That the best friend?"Jared asked quietly  
Shocked the boy-wait Jared didn't know his name oh well-looked back towards Jared and laughed darkly  
"Yep Michael Mell and Jeremy Heere best friends since kindergarten"the bo-oh his name's Michael okay then Jared thought-Michael smirked sarcastically  
Jared smiled at the dark humor.  
"I relate,got ditched by my one and only friend as well,oh right my name's Jared nice to meet you"he grinned adjusting his glasses and sticking his hand across the table.  
~~~  
_Pretty girl with the adventurous mind,You envision so much you make me look blind,You spark his life in ways I'll never know_  
~~~  
Michael sighed watching Jeremy walk away from him with Christine.He had used to sit with his best...and only friend at lunch.lifting his glasses above his eyes as he wiped a few stray tears from his eyes before putting his glasses back in place.

'Its just like with the squip...except this time there was no evil,brainwashing super computer to blame this time.Just a girl and Jeremy choosing her over him'Michael thought to himself sighing looking around for a place to sit.Seeing a guy that looked about a year older than him sitting alone Michael walked over plastering an awkward smile on his face before opening his mouth

~~

_And I won't hate you, but, oh, it stingsHow does it feel to be adored by him?_

_~~_


	2. ~Its midnight he's drunk and I'm not in his head~

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared and Michael go to a party because Jeremy and his crew are going so why the hell not
> 
> Michael thinks its just like the squip again
> 
> and
> 
> Jared gets nervous because he doesn't actually like parties or getting drunk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter enjoy.This is when the tag everyone has issues first comes in all I'm gonna say is that the party really isn't nice to Jared

~~

Pretty girl, there's no need to fret 'Cause it's midnight, he's drunk and you're the one in his head

~~

Michael had become much closer to the kid who had been sitting alone at a lunch table two days before,and so for some reason he and Jared had decided that they were going to a party because why the hell not,Jeremy and his new friends,who Michael had to admit were cool,really,cool,were going and Michael kept on having flashbacks to the squip it was almost the same scenario Michael was going to a party that Jeremy and his new friends were going to but he hadn't been invited-ugh he needed to get that out of his brain...

"Hey man?You in there?"Jared's voice shook him out of his thoughts quickly shaking his head quickly Michael looked at his friend before replying

"Yeah sorry dude got lost in my thoughts you ready to go?"

"Yep come on man we're gonna be late!"

_~~_

_Pretty girl, oh, he looks at you as if life is perfect and the world is new in those moments I just feel so small_

_~~_

Jared was not ready.Sure he acted like the kind of guy who was in his element at parties but really he wasn't a big fan at parties you usually got drunk and he didn't enjoy losing control of his body surprise surprise!Sighing before hurrying after Michael into the house that the party was being held. Immediately music blasted into his ears and the smell of alcohol assaulted him from all sides.He quickly maneuvered through the crowd towards the bathroom leaving Michael behind not the best idea but going to this party was even worse one.He heard Michael chasing after him but he ignored the younger boy tumbling into the nearest bathroom and sinking to the floor

"This was a bad idea bad bad bad bad bad idea"

he whispered to himself,why didn't he think that he might have a sensory overload with all the loud sounds and different smells and he wasn't ugh.He heard the door open and somebody came in and sat down.

"Hey Jared are you okay?"the person said oh its Michael.Jared shook his head in reply.

"Okay then I'm guessing you don't really like parties that much?"Michael asked quietly

"No,I don't enjoy getting drunk and my ADHD means there's high chances of a sensory overload"he whispered

"Oh okay so is that what happened?"the younger boy guessed

Jared nodded

"You wanna get out of here?"Michael asked

Jared shook his head he really didn't want too deal with what was outside of that door

"Okay we can stay here until the end of the party I guess i don't really like parties either"Michael smiled sadly adjusting his headphones and sitting more comfortably next to Jared as the other boy did the same

_~~_

_As if life is perfect and the world is new in those moments I just feel so small_

_~~_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah...basically Jared has ADHD(Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder) and he had a sensory oerload because of all the smells and sounds at the party so he couldn't deal with it.Christine also canonically has ADHD the show just says ADD but its the same thing.When i say everyone has issues I mean they have issues  
> Michael has Anxiety and Deppresion  
> Jared has ADHD and Deppression  
> Jeremy has Anxiety and PTSD  
> Evan has Social Anxiety and is a Compulsive Liar  
> Connor has Anxiety,Depression and suicidal tendencies  
> Rich has PTSD,Anxiety,Depression and ADHD the poor guy's really messed up.  
> I think that's the main stuff  
> Now this whole fic is based off of this amazing animatic heere's the link  
> https://youtu.be/nBbSxovL9vM


	3. You don't have to try at all

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the party
> 
> Micah's worried and Jared is being horrible too himself  
> EVERYBODY'S MESSED UP!
> 
> TW for implied Self harm

  
_~~_

_And I won't hate you, but, oh, it stings_

_~~_

Michael woke up in the clothes he'd worn yesterday in his own bed(That's a surprise) He was disorientated for a moment before he remembered what had happened at the party. Fumbling for his phone he quickly found Jared's number and shot him a text

  
 **Gaymer1:** Hey **bro are u okay?**

  
 **cRoNcHkink:** Yeah I'm okay don't worry about it

  
 **Gaymer1:** Really?

  
 **cRoNcHkink:**  Yeah I'm cool

 

 **Gaymer1:** The insanely "cool" Jared Kleinman

 

 **cRoNcHkink:** That's me ;P

 

_~~_

_How stupid to think that I could compare,To the pretty girl with the butterscotch hair_

_~~_

Jared sighed throwing his phone onto the bed behind him after his short conversation with Michael

"Idiot"He whispered to himself running a hand through his hair and readjusting his glasses. He couldn't believe he'd had a sensory overload in front of his only friend .Starting to get dressed Jared thought back to when Evan was his only friend and they didn't go to parties 'cause Evan would end up having a panic attac-

"Stop,Evan doesn't care about you any more he has a girlfriend and friends and he's surrounded by wonderful people and doesn't need an awkward,innapropriate joke making idiot around."Jared murmured to himself.Glancing down at his bare wrists before slipping into the bathroom

_~~_

_but, oh, it stings_

_~~_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SORRY I DON'T WANT TO HURT THEM I LOVE MY BOYS BUT UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH!  
> i'm coming for Michael soon...


	4. ~In those moments I just feel so small~

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael was having a good day buuut  
> Tw for suicide

_~~_

_As if life is perfect and the world is new_

_~~_

Michael was having an okay day for once...surprisingly...Jeremy had come over to play video games and nothing was getting interrupted by Christi-

_BUZZ_

He'd though too soon.Jeremy's phone buzzed with the sound of a text being received. Jeremy paused the game quickly and read the text...

"Oh sorry man Christine wants to meet up at a coffee shop-that's okay right?"he asked nervously

"Yeah man what type of best friend would I be if I didn't let you get it on with your girlfriend?"Michael laughed plastering a smirk on his face

"DUDE!"

"Go on go meet her!"Michael laughed falsely pushing his bes- his friend out of his basement.When Jeremy was out of his house Michael broke down head in his hands.

"Why are you even cry-ing  _stupid_ He has a girlf-riend why would he even want yo-u"Michael's words were broken up by hiccups as he sobbed.

" _Idiot,Idiot,Idiot_  "he whispered over and over again why was he even crying Jeremy had to go on a date with his girlfriend big deal its not like you expected him to stay or care anyway if you disappeared he wouldn't care the voice in his head whispered.

Shaking he stood up and found his notebook pulling a sheet of paper from it and writing something down quickly tears staining the paper as he signed the bottom

"I'm tired-tired of all of this tired of not wanting to get up in the morning cause i don't see the point.Tired of getting tripped up in hallways and tired of having panic attacks when my former best friend ignores me in the halls...I want it to  _end"_ Michael whispered tears still streaking across his cheeks

So that's what he went into the bathroom grabbed the small bottle of antidepressants that he'd been prescribed earlier in the year.then back to his room.he took all the pills.

 

_and the world went dark_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SO SORRY


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry...

Jared sighed,he was tired of all this.Evan had come to grab a sweater or something he’d left months ago,and barely acknowledged the fact that they had been each other’s only friends back then only

”Hey I left my jacket can I grab it?” and

”thanks bye” so yeah disappointing he guessed.

Tears were spilling out of Jared’s eyes as he rummaged through the cuboards of his bathroom.Grabbing a little bottle of his moms sleeping pills he walked over to the bed.If he was going to die he didn’t want to be crumpled on the floor.Surprisingly calm Jared unscrewed the bottle before tipping all the small white pills right into his open mouth.Gagging he quickly swallowed them tears still flowing from his eyes he whispered

”Goodbye,”

and then everything went dark

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry....  
> Also no more lyrics cause in my mind it’s always been Michael singing and since yah know...no more lyrics.and sorry it’s so short i’m Lacking with inspiration for their deaths


	6. Death

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ...Suicide Notes

_I’m sorry._

_Mom,Máma._

_I’m sorry I gave up I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough.I love you._

_Jared,_

_I’m sorry I gave up,I’m sorry I died because of a guy.See you later_

 

_and finally Jeremy,_

_I’m sorry I didn’t try harder I’m sorry I never told you I’m sorry I wasn’t a better friend,I’m sorry you had to deal with me I’m sorry you have to deal with me being gone,I’m sorry I never really liked Christine,I’m sorry I never hung out with your new friends ~~I’m~~ ~~sorry~~.I love you,I love you Jeremy Heere,I love you so fucking much  and I have for 12 ~~~~years,every since I met you._

 

**_Goodbye_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’M SORRY!


	7. Death

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ...Suicide Notes

_Dear who ever cares enough to read this._

_I’m sorry_

_I’m sorry I was a dick,I’m sorry I never acted like I cared I’m sorry I wasn’t good enough I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry._

_Mom,_

_You’re gonna be so happy when you find me dead in the basement you don’t have to deal with me anymore do you.You don’t have to deal with your mistaken, the reason your husband left and all your boyfriends did a runner, sorry about that_

_Dad,_

_Your never gonna know I’m dead.Mom won’t tell you that’s for sure.But it’s not like you care you left because of me,because you were too tired me._

_Michael,_

_I’m sorry I’m leaving you,I’m sorry you’re going to be alone,I’m sorry_

_Evan,_

_I’m sorry I was a jerk I’m sorry I made fun of you when you ‘fell’ out of that tree I’m sorry I didn’t sign your cast I’m sorry I never acted like I cared I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry, and I love you I love you Evan Hansen and I’m sorry I never acted like it I’m sorry I never told you and I’m sorry you never knew_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’M SORRY!


End file.
